Artist in the Spotlight.. YIKES!

Last night, Beth Davis, my hand analyst, nailed me to the wall during her Life Vision Purpose tele-class about “gift markers in your hand.”

I was in the hot-seat and with my hand prints in front of her. First she said I have a line of clairvoyance, (a curved line running up from the wrist to the pinkie) meaning my intuition is highly developed and I need listen to my gut.

Then she got to what I was afraid of most… the huge Apollo star on my left hand.

An asterisk like star under the ring finger means “artist in the spotlight.” Artist part I get; in the spotlight is the terrifying. And the funny thing is… I knew she was going to blast me.

She did! And after the call was over, I couldn’t stop crying.

It was hard talking to her, being open and honest… an emotional authenticity thing… but I did. Beth congratulated me on stepping up to the plate, and said she could hear so much emotion in my voice. And that I need to get paid for what I do best, what comes naturally (well heck, it’s a GIFT), and what I love.

I haven’t done much drawing in several years (pen & ink), but it’s time to start up again. Oh, I know it could also mean guitar playing, or writing (writing.. the least of my fears), but all I could think of was drawing… I need to draw.

In tears, I called my fabulous fella after the class. I told him what she said. He concurred, and said he’s been telling me that for years. That I do wonderful work, and people will pay.

We were at the Getty Center a week or so ago, and came across and exhibit with pen and inks. He told me, “You can do that!” I could only stare at the works and say, “I know.”

I know.

Beth asked, what frightened me the most?

Fear of exposing my soul, because that’s what it is, my soul coming out, naked for all the world to see. I’d almost rather walk around naked.

Also, the fear of rejection. Yes, what if they don’t like it? Well some people won’t, but Beth said succinctly, and I know this too, I’m not doing it for them, I’m doing it for me. Only for me, and for fulfilling my life’s purpose.

And you know what? It feels good when I do. When I draw, when I play guitar, when I write creatively.

It feels good. It feels right.