Monday, February 22, 2010

The Sky is Falling

We had an unexpected visitor drop in the other night—late the other night.

I was sleeping nicely (for a change) and was awakened by a very loud crashing noise in the kitchen.

Lately, I’ve had more than my fair share of “transients” and strange people wandering around the house at night. My brother’s people, children’s people… mostly goofier-than-I-like people.

I often ask myself, why me? Law of Attraction? Weird attracts weird? What you resist persists? Trust me, I hate it. I thoroughly hate it. AND HERE IT IS! Grr..

So, I’m awakened by this really loud, not-good “noise.” The type of noise I knew I needed to go out to investigate.

The dogs were frenzied. I could hear Molly, the Coonhound, run lickity-split out the back door sounding off like crazy; and Elsa, the black dog, running back and forth through the house.

Some thing was definitely not right.

I slipped on my sweatpants, sweatshirt and slippers to brave the unknown on that chilly night and ventured onward.

Both dogs were now out in the back going wild.

It took a few seconds… but what was this?… all kinds of white cottony stuff and cardboard was on the floor by the stove? Kind of looked like snow… heck it was cold enough that night.

What the heck?? Did the dogs get in the trash?

Then I looked up.


There was a HUGE HOLE in the ceiling!

The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

The dogs were still outside going nuts… I called Molly in (she is quite loud—poor neighbors). Now both were running back and forth through the house vocalizing and terribly worried, their hair standing on end. The sky falling in and making a loud noise would terrify the bravest of any of us beasts.

It didn’t take long for me to figure out what happened. It had rained heavily several times over the past couple weeks. The roof must have leaked into the attic crawlspace. My suspicions were ultimately correct except for one little detail.

My loud expletive prompted daughter Roxzi to come out and see what happened. She found me sitting calmly on the computer chair trying to absorb the absurdity of what just happened.

She followed my eyes downward.

“What the… ?? What is that?”

Then I pointed to the black hole in the ceiling. “Oh my GOD! What happened?” she yelled.

“The sky is falling,” I said calmly. “Is your Uncle Luckey here?”

Uncle Luckey lives out in the garage.

She went screaming out to get him. Fists pounding on the door, f-words flying fiercely and fearlessly. She quickly got his attention. He came in brandishing a flashlight, and was very confused. “What the heck is she talking about?”

I let him have a second to take in the view. “Whoa!?!”

He knew what happened too.

I calmly started sweeping up the debris.

The dogs were still very nervous.

I said “I think Molly chased it out the back door.”

Luckey had different ideas and started searching under the furniture in the living room.

Yep, as we both suspected, a critter, a raccoon, which was residing in the attic, FELL through the ceiling drywall (or wetwall).

Just dropped in, so to speak. Poor critter.

I figured Molly chased it out the back door. No such luck.

Luckey found it trying its best to hide under the sofa. I looked from across the room at its red beady eyes glowing in the beam of the flashlight.

So now there’s hole in the ceiling and a frickin’ raccoon under the couch in the living room! Now what are we going to do?

But it was so cute!

First thing, put the dogs in other rooms and shut the door. Raccoons are, no matter how cute, not friendly and not critters you want to reckon with.

“Open the front door and shoo it out with the broom,” I suggested, as I opened a nearby umbrella for a shield.

Luckey fearlessly declined, as it hissed and shrieked making sounds like an alien from another planet .

We carefully barricaded the sides of the sofa so to lead it out the front door. (Mind you, the front door is now wide open and it was barely 40 degrees outside. Very cold for our parts.)

We banged on the wall.. hooted and hollered, but the little guy stayed put.

Finally, after sitting up for an hour waiting for the masked bandit to exit stage right, I announced I was going back to bed. “Just turn off the lights,” its only traveling option was out the door, “and it’ll find its way out.”

We both gave up and let it be.

It did. It found it’s way out by morning.

Molly, my good ol’ Coonhound (yeah right!) proved her big brave cowardliness. (The raccoon went one way… she went the other.)

Another night to remember. And laugh about.

And we learn, that when the sky falls in, it’s not the end of the world.

But, dear reader, please note, the sky doesn’t always fall down… sometimes it fall UP.

Another story.

Cheers, y’all… and remember, whenever your sky falls either in or up, just keep your eyes on the stars. It’s all there for you.